April 17, 2009

Fairweather Christian, and HE knows it

I am a fairweather Christian. I have been since I was saved in 2005. I practice my faith when it is convenient for me. God knows this. And I believe he has been sending me a strong message for the last month or so.

I made a very foolish mistake last year. While dating (through an online site), I met someone. Despite warning signs that this would not be a healthy relationship, I went ahead full force. This man seemed genuine in his feelings for me, or so I told myself.

We moved in together last September. Within just a few short weeks, the true man came out. Abusive verbally, closed heart, hate....I could go on, but you get the idea. I had made a horrible mistake. I put my children into this environment. What in the world was I thinking !?!?!

A week before Christmas, he walked out. He got angry about some foolish thing, and because I challenged him on it, he stormed out. I can honestly say I wasn't sorry he left. But I was also afraid. He was very unpredictable, and I was not sure how the "break up" would proceed.

Add to this, the fact that I am dealing with a very serious, and life altering disease, and you have the makings for quite the mess. I ended up having to move into my parent's home with my 3 children. I thank god for them. I couldn't afford the house we had been renting, and was left completely broke by this man.

Fast forward to this past month. I spend quite a bit of time on the internet, reading about homesteading, homeschooling, and most strongly, about Christianity. There has been a strong hint from HIM, that I should be paying more attention to my faith, and stop being a fairweather Christian.

One of the blogs I have been enjoying is A Wise Woman Builds Her Home. She is an amazing woman, and has given me much to think about and learn from. While reading through some of her past posts, this video was embedded in her blog, and I will tell you............it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have only had that happen a few times in my walk. Watch and really feel it:





Amazing, right? So what would my Cardboard Testimony be? I think probably the one that speaks to me most is:

AFRAID OF NEVER BEING WORTHY OF LOVE to................................

KNOWING I AM LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY BY HIM.

I have made many mistakes in the past two years, since my divorce. Seeking love in unhealthy relationships, when I had all this love for the taking, right in front of me.

I have rededicated my life to HIM, and will work hard to be the woman and mother he wants me to be. And when the time is right, and he has shown me who he wants me to be a helpmeet to, I will gladly accept.

And if it should turn out that I am to be single, with no spouse to care for and grow with, that is also his decision.

Be blessed

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