May 20, 2010

Puttering and Pride

Today is a day of puttering. With my attitude what it has been lately, and the arm wonky, a lot of things have gone by the wayside.

I have 2 loaves of bread ready to go in the oven in just a few minutes (will share the recipe at the end of this post). I have a stack of dishes to wash from making bread and doing a much needed clean out of the fridge. I didn't have all that much to throw out, as we always have a leftover night once a week (if there is enough), and I have been doing better at only cooking what we need for one meal.

I am cutting corners left and right, but some days I just can't seem to get ahead. At least that is what it feels like. I have NO IDEA how to come up with it's time to suck up the pride, and ask for help.

For those that don't know, I receive food stamps. I have to....I am not allowed to work due to my CRPS. And with less than $550 a month in child support, it's hard to get by in a good month. I know there are lots of people just like me, or worse, much worse. I am not complaining. Not one bit. Just stating facts.

And there is one fact that is indisputable. I hate asking for help. I have gotten better about it since I hurt myself. But it is one thing to ask one of your kids to lift something for you, and it's another to go to the city welfare office, or the state welfare office and ask for help.

This is where I am though. And no matter what my pride is telling me, my children ALWAYS come first. Period. So, I am going to see what I can accomplish in the next few days, and with any luck, rent will be covered.

We have also dropped Netflix, which wasn't outrageous since we don't do cable, but that $15 can be spent more wisely elsewhere, like rent, or gas in the car. There are plenty of shows to watch for free online. Which is another area I will be cutting...internet. I have the highest speed because we watch shows online etc. But nearly $50 a month is too much. So I will drop that back to the basic internet, which is $20 a month or so. Some people have asked why I don't do dial up. I don't because we have the MOST horrific phone company, since FairPoint bought out Verizon a couple years ago. Just Google FairPoint, and you will see what shysters they are. And why pay them $70-$80 each month for the most basic phone service, when for $20 I have internet, and then $28 with Vonage for my phone. Pennies and dollars add up. It's just more sensible.

So, to help with my frustration over the pride issue, besides praying incessantly to YHWH, I am puttering. As I said, there are two loaves of bread nearly ready for the oven. We go through about 2-3 loaves a week. If I can do at least 4 loaves a week and get them in the freezer, we will have a nice supply, especially if I don't have the ability to make some one week.

The recipe I found is from the King Arthur website. I wasn't sure how it would taste. I haven't had much luck with bread recipes. Either they are too yeasty, to dense, or just blah in taste. This bread is PERFECT, and all the kids love it!

The don't give specific instructions for this recipe, just mix it all together and bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes. I tweaked it a bit this time, and am glad I did. The first batch I made was delicious, but didn't rise as high as I had hoped it would. So this time, while making it, I mixed it a bit different. I did half the liquid in the mix, and left half out for the yeast to dissolve. I let it stand for a good 5 minutes before adding to the rest of the recipe, and I am glad to say it worked, it rose much better this time. Here is the recipe:

Basic White Bread

1 1/4 c water (warm, so yeast will rise)
1 Tbspn sugar (heaping)
1/2 c dry milk
1 1/2 tspn salt
4 c flour
1 1/2 tspn yeast (I use active dry yeast)
1 Tbspn butter

Let rise first time in well oiled bowl (covered). Punch down, form loaf, and let rise a second time. Bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes.

I am fortunate that when my ex husband and I were together, he bought me a meat slicer. This does a fabulous job of slicing loaves of bread (once cooled), so that you have uniform slices. I may be picky, but it annoys me to have one slice a lot thicker than the other in a sandwich. And that is always what happens when I cut it with a knife lol. Besides, I can do the meat slicer with one hand if I need too!

The fridge is washed out, although it wasn't super dirty, the kids had spilled a few things in there over the last month. I have 2 bags of apples to cut up, and try to make homemade apple pie filling from this recipe. I need to go to the store and get lemon juice, my daughter used it all. There is a canning version and a freezer version. I don't have any canning supplies yet, so freezing it is! Have plenty of plastic containers!!

Ok, off to do more puttering, and work my frustrations out on the house. It always seems to end up in a cleaner environment...funny how that works huh?

Be blessed!


  1. I will be praying for some help to come your way - keep puttering :)

  2. I know it is hard, but for someone in your situation there is nothing wrong with asking for help. It's not like you're sitting on your derriere asking for a hand-out. Anyone can see you're juggling and changing and willing to do what needs to be done to make it.

    I think your hopes and dreams and planning for the future should be an inspiration to all of us. Hang in there. With your faith and wonderful spirit, you'll make it!

  3. Angelique: Thank you! All prayers are appreciated!

    Mama Pea: Thanks for visiting my blog :) And thank you for the vote of confidence! It helps to know that I am not alone in my dreams, and that others see it to. I really enjoy your blog!

  4. PRAYERS for all of your needs to be met. It hurts to let these things go, but, looking at the bigger picture and getting Babylon out of our hearts really is a blessing, and it will open our eyes to more and more of who he really is and all he really wants and has for us.
    I know you know that. This is a blessing, and he still has it all in his hands!

    May you be blessed in all you do Steph.
    Much love to you all~

  5. Jacque, your prayers and support are such a blessing to me! I can't imagine my life without having "met" you.

    Thank you :)